It’s a struggle…

So lately struggling is very real. I have been seeing plenty of social media posts about this. It’s not a surprise that there is more at work keeping most people in poverty. However, some financial choices are also to be suspect as well…

More doors closing than opening…

In the past year, I have been a part of two incidents of corrupted businesses, lost 2 cars due to payment issues, with one being underwater, and couldn’t refinance due to credit score.

It did go up for a minute but was killed once I started to pay off bills. At least I don’t have student loans anymore. Trying to pay off bills on a part-time job salary isn’t easy. The good thing is I don’t rent, but space on a couch I gave my mother. So I am sleeping on her couch and I literally hate it. I have no space, no time for myself unless it’s at night.

The area that I am in really sucks. It has a national reputation as where the crackheads live, and now it’s fentanyl and aggressive homeless with mental issues. Love this shitty town. I literally want to leave or kill myself some days because it sucks so bad.

So while I continue to work on some sort of passive income, ( been working on it since 2019), I haven’t found anything that would work for me. Or a decent job for that matter. I don’t stop, because I love being creative. It’s the no friends or anything from family that hurts the most.

Keep trying I guess…

So after a failed attempt at a dropshipping store, products for this blog, and an attempt for a copywriter platform or portfolio type of site. Not to mention a few failed relationships, constantly asking for help and not getting any. It does wear down your mental health…by a lot.

So now I am looking to figure out if I can find 2000$ to buy a shitty car. Doesn’t matter if it looks bad or not. As long as it runs, and can move on its own power I can fix the rest of it as I drive it. So far, my credit sucks, barely paying my bills, and want to grab my stuff out of storage. Yet, with the way pay is and everyone only giving out part-time hours, this may take 2 years. That is 2 years too long to be on this fucking couch!!!

I trying to find something other than donating plasma and selling all of my stuff in storage. I literally would like an apartment or office space to spread out the things I do want to sell and get rid of them. Looking to have most of my stuff in a tiny home, or a van life type of van. Right now I am not able to get anything done. I even stopped drinking, hitting the dispensaries several months at a time just to make extra money. Nothing worked. No wonder people in this position are so angry and everyone assumes things.

Quit playing the assuming game…

I am so glad I don’t play the assuming game so much. I have no expectations from anyone since I never will get the attention or help. Many want to play the Resting Bitch Face to everyone that looks angry in their eyes. Hence the eyeball test. Which if unchecked, comes across as complaining or whiny. I am not, I just want to get things done and live a nice life. Just can’t do it like this.

I have noticed that many I interact with at work or out in the wild, assume that I am mad a lot. Instead of literally asking. Just assume. This is not how you help or try to figure out what is wrong. It’s more like I don’t want to get involved but also am too chicken shit to ask for fear that I may be right?!? It doesn’t make sense to me. Yet here we all are, playing the game. I literally hate it. It goes with that pride that holds you back type of thing.

What’s next???

Good question. I literally don’t know. I just closed down Uni-T T-shirt store. Mostly because I wasn’t getting any traffic and found out that there is another store with the same name but with a .com domain. I have the .store and .info domains. May try to sell them, but Flippa wants 60$ to list a business with them now. Used to be around 30$. So looking for another platform to try and sell a few domains and other assets that I currently have.

As for the car search, it’s getting desperate to make this happen. I couldn’t care less about an apartment. I just want a car to take stock photos for Getty and for this blog. I may just try to sell as much of my stuff in storage and go traveling and find a job outside the US. It seems that the problem is just work in general in the US. The hard part is that at my age, it is more of an issue than it is here in the US. Why I am looking to find something passive enough to scale slowly but to make a steady income. Let’s see how this goes…


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