Finally getting the message…

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Lately, I think, or believe, that I have finally gotten the message.

That message is being alone.

Usually because if I ask anyone for help, to just hang out or even just catch up.

I get ghosted, time and time again. Still haven’t found out why, but I may have figured it out.

Messaged received…

Thinking it may be my overall eyeball test. I don’t pass due to having long, thick hair with earrings. Not looking what everyone expects me to be looking like.

Maybe it’s my personality? Always doings things alone even after inviting anyone to join me. I try to be friendly, but after the initial meeting, soon forgotten.

I could contribute it to being verbally beaten down through a toxic marriage that possibly ruined a lot of closeness with my own kids.

Yet, my kids have ghosted me. Not sure why, but honestly I don’t care anymore. I try to send messages and such but only get a glance.

I reached out to a friend and got a quick message, but haven’t heard from them since.

The message is that having this weighs on my mind and heart from those who I tried to fight for, to only get ignored or don’t respond to anything I send out.

Even with trying to freelance, start up a business, and similar pursuits. My requests for help go unheard.

Definitely heartbreaking…

What I am doing about it…

I am working on talking to a therapist, and a lawyer about what is going on lately.

With having kids and then you get no response back after joining a family that literally gives your kids everything. While your struggling and also paying child support.

I know my story isn’t new or worse than someone else’s. I do know that this is a growing concern with mental health during the summer.

Contacts lose touch with each other, family members no longer call or visit.

So I try to make contact once a month and leave it at that.

I’ll never find out why much less expect to ever hear from them again.

Finding solace in being alone…

Since losing hope to try and repair any relationship with my kids, family, and friends.

I have become a lot better at doing things on my own and without any assistance.

I live bootstrapping and doing it all myself.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to make better financial choices in order to fund my projects.

Maybe I am too average? Or not looking like I should per societal standards. Maybe not rich enough? Who knows and I don’t really care at this point.

So now I don’t expect anything from anyone or any entities that could help.

Peace and the ability to keep moving forward with what I am working on.

I only have good things to say to anyone that is making it.

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