Frustration setting in again…

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I have come to the realization, that what they do teach in school doesn’t really mean jack shit! As I have found out the hard way with dealing with banks and making payments on a more instant level isn’t working out for me. I also have come to realize that I really don’t have any friends who I talk to regularly either. They are acquaintances. I rarely talk to my kids, even if I make comments or send them a message. I am beginning to wonder if I am not starting to go into a depression of some kind.

This feeling of wanting to go is overwhelming. Yet, how do I do such things when now I am stuck. I just feel overwhelmed with everything that is going on around me and I can’t seem to get out of it. I have started from the bottom so many times, I need to write a book about it! No matter what I seem to do, it feels like I am losing myself and everything around me so fast I can’t even keep up.

Frustration sets in…

Now I am frustrated, with how things are being handled in my own circle of help and assistance. I feel as though it is not being handled fast enough or at least with the care it should be. I am even getting frustrated with complaining all the time and not being heard.

And this is when those thoughts start coming in. I just want some damn help with a few things. Is that so hard to ask for? My frustrations are mostly with how things are being handled, that the last person I talked to don’t really text back for several days. Trying to move forward seems to have me now struggling to find a place to stay, and another job.

It doesn’t help, but I do try to stay positive. I am the one usually the bright one in the group. Lately, I just don’t feel it. Realizing that you are still in the same demographic as your previous family members is rather depressing. Except then, they paid fewer taxes and other stuff but didn’t get any tax credits either.

For instance, in my city. To rent a one-bedroom apartment, you have to make at least 16-18$ an hour. Which is obtainable, but not really here. It’s a college town and most of the work here is in restaurants, call centers and outside work. Which most only pay less than 14$. So you have to have 2 jobs. This is what many call Non-Livable Wage. Prop 206 passed here, but it’s a little too late. I am for moving to elsewhere.

To explain the feeling of frustration and drowning with depression

Illustration Artwork Drowning in Depression Art Print by Arlie Opal

I have a plan…

So with all that has happened to me in the last 48 hours. I am back at square one. Well, maybe a little further past square one in the wrong direction. Yet, I still have a plan. Not sure how it will work out, but I think that I just may say fuck it and do it anyways. I already have applied to a few places. Have a remote job that I am training for to start next week. So there is that. I may not be able to pay the rent at my current place with this job. I do have a plan that did work for me during covid. Except this time work is coming back slowly, and without a car job, searching and interviews can be tricky.

With this plan that I have started. I do plan on continuing what I have been trying to do for a while now. I guess that now I have to rethink a few things and now reset my goals to match what is going to happen for the next few years. The main thing is to figure out how to deal with the stress that all of this causes. The emotions fill you to where you start making stupid decisions.

So I started to reinvest more of my money, and also to reduce my overall rolling debt for each month. I just now have to deal with the consequences of what I stated earlier about banks. I have started to write more. I have at least 2 other posts that I have to finish up to release. Some of the other behind-the-scenes things I have been working on are updating the resources pages and also finishing up with the shop section of the page. Which are mostly things that I make or find interesting to share with everyone that visits. If not you can always read how I felt just as Covid hit and lockdowns happened in this post Getting it Together.

Will it work or not?

I, honestly can not tell you. With such the state of emotions that I am in after last night. I may calm down tomorrow. That is when the real realization sets in. Or panic, whichever you prefer! To me, I usually calm down after a day. It’s the other frustration when I am trying to complete something and I get distracted. Which is something I am also trying to work on. Social media, and marketing myself and this blog can be challenging when dealing with such matters personally. I can now see how it does take a toll on people and why they do tend to develop mental issues.

I know it may sound like I am asking for attention, but I am finding this to be a little helpful to share my struggles in building something that I needed a little setback to get me moving forward again. How I like to say “Get outside of your comfort zone”. This is helpful and it does remind me that I can only know more about myself if I don’t challenge it to see what I am capable of. I do hope that everyone who does read this sticks around to see how this train wreck is going to happen. Who doesn’t like to see a wreck?

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